Losing a loved one is never easy, and planning a wedding where your loved one won’t be a part of your day can be a painful reminder of that loss. There are many ways to honor loved ones at your wedding. Loved ones are part of many moving parts to a wedding day. Dads walking you down the aisle, grandparents being honored during an anniversary dance, Moms participating in dances with you, etc. In my time planning I didn’t have any friends or family who had experienced the same loss I had and I felt alone in my feelings. I went to their weddings watching father/daughter dances and parents give toasts, and it would make me emotional knowing I wouldn’t have that. While planning a wedding is a joyous occasion, the shadow of loss lingers.
Honoring My Loved One
In total transparency, planning my wedding was hard and emotional and I hid it well. I always talk about how happy I was to plan my own wedding and am normally oh so bubbly, but there were often times I was hurting on the inside. My dad passed away several years ago when I was 18. He struggled with a drug addiction and mental health issues, so there are lots of complex feelings. Then not even a full year after he passed, my nana passed as well. My nana inspired my love for romance movies & books, and even sparked my love of weddings. Two big people in my life gone in under a year. They never saw me move to Michigan, never met my husband, never watched me build a business, and never got to be a part of my wedding day.
Grief is hard and hits at unexpected moments. There are wedding days where seeing father and daughter dances don’t make me overly emotional, and then other days where I’m crying at your first look with you. If you’ve gone through loss, I see you. I understand the emotions you’re going through, and you are not alone. I’m a safe space for feelings, and if you do need a shoulder to cry on I’m here.
While these ideas certainly won’t erase the pain of your loss, I hope you can find some way to honor your loved one with you on your wedding day.
Dances to Honor Your Loved Ones
It’s okay to skip the father/daughter and mother/son dances. If it’s not in you to find a replacement (and honestly, who could replace a parent), then skipping these traditional dances are totally okay. It won’t ruin the flow of the reception. Trust me. I didn’t want to replace my dad for the dance part. I left out the father/daughter dance and it wasn’t weird or unnatural. If you think about it, it’s most likely that all of your guests already know about your loss. Your guests are the people showing up consistently in your life, so it won’t be a shock for them to see no parental dances. My best advice though is to set the expectation with your DJ about the dances. They will be able to ensure smooth transitions!
While parental dances are the norm, you could also use this opportunity to have a special dance with someone else. I’ve worked at weddings where mom danced with the bride instead, or a sibling danced with the groom or a grandparent stepped up to dance. There may be a special person in your life you could honor with a dance instead of a parent.
Bouquet Charms
A more popular thing I am seeing more and more of are bouquet charms for brides. These charms have photos of your loved ones so they can be with you as you walk down the aisle. This is a great way to honor your loved one at your wedding. Incorporating photos of your loved ones into your day for you to look at. You could also incorporate pieces of jewelry into a bouquet as well. Below is a photo of one of my bride’s bouquets– she added grandma’s ring and earrings as her something old and something blue because she had passed well before the wedding day. A sweet sentiment, and one that is with you during your ceremony.
In Memoriam Tables
Something I’ve seen at every wedding I’ve attended is an in-memoriam table. This is usually a smaller cocktail sized table filled with photos of passed loved ones. This is usually at the reception, but I have seen pews and chairs set aside for this as well for a ceremony space. Some ceremonies go as far as to have a moment of silence to honor your loved one(s). I highly recommend speaking to your officiant about this if the moment of silence is something you’d like added into your ceremony!
Bouquet Dedications to Honor Your Loved Ones
A newer event I’ve started to see are bouquet dedications. Rather than tossing the bouquet during the reception to all the single ladies, I’ve had brides dedicate it to their passed loved one. This sort of goes hand in hand with the in-memoriam table because usually that’s where the bouquet is set up for the night. This gives you the opportunity to honor you loved one publicly at your wedding. It also gives you the ability to hang onto your bouquet and preserve it later!
Incorporating Sentimental Pieces from Your Loved One
This is personally what I did to incorporate my dad on my wedding day. My dad bought jewelry a lot for me and my mom. My junior year of high school I was gifted a necklace that went with my prom dress. Just a simple, silver necklace with tiny diamonds in it. When I graduated high school, I was gifted a tennis bracelet that matched my necklace. They were the last pieces of jewelry he bought for me. It was never a thought in my head what jewelry I was going to wear on my wedding day because I knew I would be wearing them.
I encourage you to incorporate something sentimental in your day if you can. Mine was jewelry. Repurposing things that are sentimental to you will make it all the more special. I have seen grandmother’s wedding gown transformed into a cute reception dress. I’ve seen grooms drinking out of their grandfather’s special whiskey glass. I’ve seen cufflinks passed down through the family. Whatever you have, you can find a way to repurpose it and use at your wedding.
Pictured below you’ll see grandpa’s old cigarette tin repurposed as a ring holder for the groom, a bride’s mother’s ashes turned into a ring, & a bride holding onto her grandmother’s necklace.
