Honoring My Loved One
Losing a loved one is never easy, and planning a wedding where your loved one won’t be a part of your day can be a painful reminder of that loss. As a Southeast and Mid Michigan wedding photographer who’s been a part of 70+ wedding days and has first-hand experience losing loved ones, I’ve seen some unique ways to do this. Loved ones play parts all throughout a wedding day. Dads walking you down the aisle, grandparents being honored during an anniversary dance, moms participating in dances with you, etc. All normally very emotional moments throughout the day.
In my own time planning my wedding, I didn’t have any friends or family who had experienced the same loss I had and I felt alone in my feelings. I went to friend’s weddings watching father and daughter dances. I listened to parents give toasts. I watched as grandmothers and grandfathers pass on family heirlooms. It made me emotional watching my friends and knowing I wouldn’t have that. While planning a wedding is a joyous occasion, the shadow of loss lingers and can strike at anytime. It’s one of the reasons I stay so rooted to documenting sentimental moments- because I know couples will some day look back and see their loved ones.
In total transparency, planning my wedding was hard and emotional and I hid it well to not bring anyone else down. I always talk about how happy I was to plan my own wedding and am normally oh so bubbly, but there were often times I was hurting on the inside. My dad passed away several years ago when I was 18. He struggled with drug addiction and mental health issues, so there are lots of complex feelings. Then not even a full year after he passed, my nana passed as well. My nana inspired my love for romance movies & books, and even sparked my love of weddings. Two big people in my life gone in under a year. They never saw me move to Michigan, never met my husband, never watched me build a business, and never got to be a part of my wedding day.
Grief is hard and hits at unexpected moments. There are wedding days where seeing father and daughter dances don’t make me overly emotional, and then other days where I’m crying at your first look with you. If you’ve gone through loss, I see you. I understand the emotions you’re going through, and you are not alone.
While these ideas certainly won’t erase the pain of your loss, I hope you can find some way to honor your loved one with you on your wedding day.
5 Things to Incorporate Your Loved Ones
Dances
While parental dances are the norm, you could also use this opportunity to have a special dance with someone else. I’ve worked at weddings where mom danced with the bride for a mother and daughter dance, or a sibling danced with the groom or a grandparent stepped up to dance. There may be a special person in your life you could honor with a dance instead of a parent.
It’s also okay to skip the father and daughter or mother and son dances. If it’s not in you to find a replacement (and honestly, who could replace a parent), then skipping these traditional dances are totally okay. It won’t ruin the flow of the reception. Trust me. I didn’t want to replace my dad for the dance part. I left out the father and daughter dance and it wasn’t weird or unnatural. If you think about it, it’s most likely that all of your guests already know about your loss. Your guests are the people showing up consistently in your life, so it won’t be a shock for them to see no parental dances. My best advice though is to set the expectation with your DJ about the dances. They will be able to ensure smooth transitions!
Bouquet Charms
A more popular thing I am seeing more and more of are bouquet charms. These charms have photos of your loved ones so they can be with you as you walk down the aisle. Incorporating photos of your loved ones into your day for you to look at is special. You could also incorporate pieces of jewelry into a bouquet as well. Below is a photo of one of my bride’s bouquets from 2024. She added grandma’s ring and earrings as her something old and something blue because she had passed well before the wedding day. A sweet sentiment, and one that is with you during your ceremony.
In Memoriam Tables
Something I’ve seen at every wedding I’ve attended is an in-memoriam table. This is a smaller cocktail sized table filled with photos of passed loved ones. This is usually at the reception, but I have seen pews and chairs set aside for this as well for a ceremony space. Some ceremonies go as far as to have a moment of silence to honor your loved one(s). I highly recommend speaking to your officiant about this if the moment of silence is something you’d like added into your ceremony!
Bouquet Dedications
A newer event I’ve started to see are bouquet dedications. Rather than tossing the bouquet during the reception to all the single ladies, I’ve had brides dedicate it to their passed loved one. This sort of goes hand in hand with the in-memoriam table because usually that’s where the bouquet is set up for the night. This gives you the opportunity to honor you loved one publicly at your wedding. It also gives you the ability to hang onto your bouquet and preserve it later!
Incorporating Sentimental Pieces
This is personally what I did to incorporate my dad on my wedding day. My dad bought jewelry a lot for me and my mom. My junior year of high school I was gifted a necklace that went with my prom dress. Just a simple, silver necklace with tiny diamonds in it. When I graduated high school, I was gifted a tennis bracelet that matched my necklace. They were the last pieces of jewelry he bought for me. It was never a thought in my head what jewelry I was going to wear on my wedding day because I knew I would be wearing them.
I encourage you to incorporate something sentimental in your day if you can. Mine was jewelry. Repurposing things that are sentimental to you will make it all the more special. I have seen grandmother’s wedding gown transformed into a cute reception dress. I’ve seen grooms drinking out of their grandfather’s special milk glass. I’ve seen fine china passed down through family generations used as the dinnerware. There’s no wrong way or things to use. Whatever you have, you can find a way to repurpose it and use at your wedding!
All images throughout this post are from a variety of weddings I photographed throughout the years!
